Five things I learned on the farm this month

May 28

“Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.” -Frederick Buechner

So many things I have learned, both big and little since the beginning of May. I thought you might enjoy hearing about some of them. If you are a farmer already, please go ahead and laugh at me. It’s OK. I know someday all of this will be second nature and I will laugh too! Oh wait, I’m already laughing!

#1. Zerks are a thing

A zerk on the front end loader of our tractor

This little metal protrusion is called a "zerk". The zerk is very important because that is where you add grease to your machine with a grease gun.

Newbie tip: Make sure you push the grease gun down hard on the zerk so it clicks on. If you don't, a big glob of grease will sploosh out of the grease gun and will not go into the zerk.
Newbie tip: Do not unscrew the cylinder of the grease gun when it is full of grease. Just trust me on this one.

#2. Bolts, check them!

Before you rush off into the field, make sure all the bolts holding on your equipment are tight. They loosen up over time, or sometimes they didn't start out tight enough. I learned this the hard way when this nut and bolt holding our tiller onto the tractor let loose when I was in the middle of the field and fell off. That was not a good moment.

#3. Tilling is dirty work

Rototilling sod is very slow, fuel-consuming, and dusty. Which is why I don't want to do it very much - it's soil erosion you can see. The only reason I’m doing it at all is because it is a really good way to kill quackgrass.

Newbie tip: Native Vermonters will laugh at you when you hose your tractor off when it is dusty. Pay them no mind. They will laugh but your tractor will not get rusty. I hope.

#4. Tractors respond to gravity

When you park your tractor, don't rely on the parking brake alone. Yes, the tractor did start rolling down the driveway all on its own. I am embarrassed to admit this, but am posting this as a public service to any other greenhorns. Sorry no picture of this because I was too busy freaking out and jumping on the tractor.

Newbie tip: When parking, put the bucket and any implement you have down on the ground, and leave the tractor in gear. And also put the parking brake on. Also, don't park your tractor on a hill if you can help it. Also, don’t be a dumbass.

#5. The greenhouse effect is real

I planted some rice seeds in a seedling flat. Since I didn’t want them to dry out, I put plastic covers on them. Then I put them out in the sun. Then I realized that I had cooked the rice because the plastic trapped the IR radiation from the sun and made the potting soil a billion degrees hot. That is only a slight exaggeration.

Newbie tip: You can always start over again. All that is damaged is your pride and your wallet.

#6 Bonus: more things I learned this month

I realize now that the first five items comprise a list of horrors. Well, I have always been better at self-criticizing than self-aggrandizing. Just so you don’t think that all was disaster and woe, I did learn lots of other things, like how to use a strap to hold up the PTO shaft when I’m hooking up implements to the tractor, and how cherry trees have little nectar-secreting bumps on their leaves to attract ants which guard the leaves from herbivores, and where the robins like to nest in the apple trees, and that there aren’t too many rocks in my field, and that there are free courses on business planning for women, and that bullfrogs will lay eggs in small puddles, and how to cut fence wire to make hoops for a caterpillar tunnel, and that you can get great sturdy plastic crates from Wicked Tulips in Rhode Island, and that chickadees really like to eat bugs in larch trees, and how to level and adjust the height of a rotary cutter, and how to get a hummingbird out of your house, and…

Susan Haney